To Whom It May Concern:
NEWSFLASH – There are educated, successful and attractive black women who have an equally educated, successful and attractive man.
It seems as though the media has forgotten about the population of successful black women who are not looking for a man, looking to Steve Harvey for advice or feeding into the statistics that indicate black women have a slim chance of finding a man and getting married because they have a good man at home. These women may have not reached the altar yet, but they are committed to say the least, yet their relationships go unnoticed because they have not added “Mrs.” to their resumes.
As a writer, and part of this percentage of unofficially single black women I felt the need to shed some light into this hidden world. We (The Unofficial Singles) are disappointed that the media caters to the Official Singles all the time with tips and advice on how to get a man, land that first date, etc…, dedicating books in their favor (i.e. Steve Harvey) and creating news specials solely for them (i.e. CNN’s Black in America segment on The Single Black Women and Datelines: Black Women and Marriage). It’s pretty obvious they are the chosen ones and we the unofficial singles are always left out.
I’m not sure if we are ignored because it’s assumed that if we have a man we have no problems or since we are not married we still are considered single. I’ve concluded it’s a mixture of the two. But I also believe people don’t know we exist because they have forgotten about the foundation of marriage. They seem to dismiss the period that occurs before you say “I do”. The building blocks that create the empire of marriage are not advertised in media nor are they considered a topic of worthy conversation.
We would like to see more news specials and talk shows highlighting black couples that are thriving and planning for their futures, articles written about black love pre-The Obama’s and more books like Angela Basset and Courtney Vance’s “ Friends: A love story”. We also want to inform the media that black men do love their black women and black women can have an education, success and love.
And for the record, unofficial singles are not without problems. We have our share of issues that many of you contribute to. First, we stand in a class by ourselves because officially single women despise us because we have a man and married women don’t respect us because we aren’t a Mrs. Then we are constantly getting questioned by our family, friends, co-workers, etc.. on when we plan to get married. They ask us as if we know when our man is going to pop the question. Aren’t we supposed to be surprised? When we attend weddings we never know if we should really be getting up to catch the bouquet because it’s not really nice to have a strange man roll a garter up your leg while your man watches in horror..right?
These are just some of the reasons why unofficial singles are asking What about US?
Fabulously yours,
Rashana A. Hooks
P.S. Feel free to share your opinions in the comment box.
2 comments:
Great thoughts Rashana. I do agree with you too because that period before you say "I Do" is probably most important. I've been there and it has its shares of challenges as well. I feel you. The ones that are in between could use some assistance as well.
I am happy for you and what you are doing for yourself. Keep up the good work.
Hey Rashana,
I married in my late twenties and I get looks all the time from people who think that black and married woman are a four leaf clover. I love reading the ridiculously gratifying egoic comments on goings on of how to get a man cause I find them entertaining; yet very sad.
The truth is no one cares that you're married cause you are no longer a part of the disenfranchised bitter and lonely stereotypical angry and resentful black woman. And well..that's unfortunate cause I've got lots to share.
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