To Whom It May Concern....

Paying it forward, the beauty of giving back

2010-09-01T20:14:00.004-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

So this summer I was once again lucky enough to have a smart, ambitious and amazing young lady as an intern. I pride myself in selecting great interns each year and I haven’t been disappointed yet. I believe it is so important to mentor the younger generation, especially minority women and show them the ropes of what “real life” is like in business.

Naturally, I often take an extra liking in my interns and school them on life in general while encouraging them to enjoy their time as twenty-something year old young women. If anyone of you STAMPS know me personally, you know I’m a huge proponent of mentoring and paying it forward. My motto has and will always be “To whom much is given, much is required”. In my eyes, the beauty of giving back is to help someone else move forward.

That is why I was pleasantly surprised when my intern shared her thoughts on a conversation we had surrounding marriage and children on her blog “On the train to bleecker street”-- (cut and paste the link below)
http://onthetraintobleeckerst.wordpress.com/2010/07/15/im-no-carrie-bradshaw-but/

Even though I was flattered that she deemed me fabulous and someone who she aspires to be, I was proud that she not only took a page from my book, but she paid it forward and decided to live her life just as a twenty-something year old should – mission accomplished!

Live your best life Taylor!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

Success is Sweet as HONEY

2010-06-03T17:15:00.003-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Hola STAMPS!

Your girl has been working super hard on tons of projects and has not forgotten about you! I promise you that I will work diligently to write you more letters on a regular basis (pinky swear). Nonetheless I thank you for being loyal and always fabulous!

A big shout out goes to my girl Ally and the entire Honey Magazine family for highlighting my contribution to the new book Souls of My Young Sisters now available in all bookstores. I’m a contributing author and my story is titled “Goal Digger” on page 241. The book is amazing and I’m honored to have shared this amazing experience with such talented and amazing women.

Check out the interview here!
http://www.honeymag.com/2010/lifestyle/wonder-woman-wednesdays-rashana-hooks/

If you are not following me on twitter yet, do so. I’ve been sharing a lot of what’s going on there and I don’t want you to be left out!

And last but not least Happy Birthday to my fellow Gemini’s!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks.

A New Lease on Life...(Preview)

2010-04-01T19:53:00.004-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Hello my fabulous STAMPS! I've been crazed lately with a move and some amazing projects coming down the pipe. But I will give you a sneak peek into my next letter...I have a new lease on life and I will be sharing that with you soon..so stay tuned..but most importantly stay fabulous!!!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

A push for presents…

2010-02-20T14:48:00.005-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Even though I'm not pregnant yet I've become very much intrigued by the whole "Push Gift" ideology. For those of you who don't know what Push Gift's are they are gifts and presents you receive from your husband/man as a "thank you" for carrying and enduring that unforgettable pain and pushing his beautiful child into the world. Push Gifts can range from tennis bracelets to a brand new car. There is no limit to what you can request and or suggest as a peace offering for being uncomfortable for the last ten months.

Now even though giving birth to a beautiful and healthy baby is a gift of its own, I do believe in pampering the woman that made it all possible. So since I'm also a woman who enjoys any occasion that involves gift giving I've already begun making my Push Gift list secretly in my head. So far I've listed a tummy tuck (yes mama's old and after the second baby I'm most likely going to need it); the Lexus I250; or maybe a year membership to a fabulous spa.

I'm curious to know what other Push Gift ideas are out there, so shoot me some ideas in the comment box below.

P.S. Push Gifts apply to C-Section's as well...just an FYI

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

Never judge a woman by her lover...

2010-02-18T18:33:00.002-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

If I have learned two lessons in life, it would be to never judge a book by its cover and never judge a woman by her lover.

The first lesson is pretty obvious, we shouldn’t judge people, places or things by their outer appearance but the latter lesson is a bit tricky. You see whether we want to admit it or not we ladies have a bad habit of presuming what kind of man a woman has or should have. For example, when we meet a well together woman (note – educated, beautiful, all around successful) we automatically equate her mate to be the same. Rightfully so it’s normal to assume a woman of that caliber would have a partner who mirrors her image and status, but don’t be fooled into believing that this is the case all the time because surprisingly so it’s not.

I can be the first to admit that I once assumed what kind of man a woman would have. While I’m sure I’ve been presumed by other women as well. Heck I’ve even been told that I look like someone that should be married to a basketball or football player – really? I still wonder what gives that impression. Is it my clothes, car, shoes?? Anyway, this all just proves that when you assume you make a you know what out of yourself. Because when it comes to matters of the heart image goes out of the window. Women love who they love and that’s that. She may be corporate and he is a bit on the thuggish side, she may be black and he is white, she may be tall and he may be short, or she may be what the world deems average and her man is a GQ model. It doesn’t matter what the outward appearance dictates, all that matters is the love and respect that is shared between a man and woman. So the next time you find yourself “imagining” the mate of woman, be sure not to judge her in the process.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

No Regrets

2010-01-29T15:02:00.002-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Last night as a perused through the book store I came across a book titled: No Regrets: 101 Fabulous Things to Do Before You’re Too Old, Married, or Pregnant! By Sarah Ivens.

I was so intrigued by the title I had to take a moment to shift through it and make sure I’ve done at least 99 of those things! Lo and behold I was pleasantly surprised that most of them I’ve never thought of doing but will now consider. But there were a few things I thought were right on point and should be mandatory for all women. And since I’ve done every last one of them I thought I should share it with my fellow STAMPS and encourage you to do the same.

Life is about living so even if you are not getting old, getting married or getting pregnant, you should be enjoying life every step of the way. Embrace your fabulousness and live with no regrets!! Enjoy!

Learn to love champagne
Eat French fries without guilt
Let an unsuitable man spoil you rotten!
Throw yourself a party
Buy your own jewelry
Learn to cook something exceptional
Compete with your self – not your girlfriends
Finish unfinished business (whatever that may be)
Love your family – conventional or not
Express Gratitude
Keep close friends close
Ditch toxic friends
Be the first to apologize
Hear your mom out (the older you get the better you will understand)
Wear your Sunday’s best for all occasions
Love your body
Buy sexy lingerie (even if you don’t have “reason”)
Learn to pack well
Learn to walk in three inch stilettos
Find the perfect pair of jeans (and don’t be afraid to pay the price for them)
Spanx it up!
Shop till you drop
Get a vibrator
Spend the whole weekend in bed (without feeling bad about it)
Learn to speak the truth, even if it’s painful
Quit the job you hate
Acknowledge your our achievements
Laugh at your self
Date outside your “type”
Find a mentor
Be a mentor
Learn a foreign language
Embrace your naughty side

P.S. Feel free to share your " fabulous things" a woman must do in the comment box below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

She's Got Her Own...yet alone?

2010-01-26T19:29:00.004-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Check out my soulful thoughts on women having their own @ Soultrain.com

http://soultrain.com/2010/01/18/viewpoints-shes-got-her-own/

P.S. I received a lot of flack about not addressing some of the "officially single" issues, so there it is!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

Bad Habits with the Sweetest Taboo...

2010-01-26T14:23:00.005-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Check out my soulful thoughts on "Bad Habits" @ SoulTrain.com!

http://soultrain.com/2010/01/25/viewpoints-bad-habits/

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

Out of pocket..and in yours

2010-01-13T18:34:00.005-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

I'm sure as successful and savvy women you can understand and relate to the frustration and annoyance of people "checking your pockets" at times. You know those people who seem to always have something to say other than a compliment when you have something they don't. Now I'm not usually one too complain over meaningless comments or opinions, but the one thing that does annoy me is when people speak out of pocket all the while looking into yours.

My theory is this, if you do not bare the title of that person’s mom or their nicely compensated financial advisor then you should not be concerned with how much they paid for something or how they choose to spend their money.

Success comes at a price and how one chooses to pay that price is their business. If they opt to drive a luxury car because they can and want to - fine. If they choose to invest in real estate because they can - fine. If they decide to take more than one vacation a year because they can - fine. And if they chose to invest in designer bags because they can - fine (side note: yes I said invest because Louis Vuitton and Gucci last a lifetime! -lol). As you can see the operative word here is can - and since that's what matters at the end of the day - can you please tell folks to stay out of our pockets...

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

P.S. If you are in any way offended by this letter then you have most likely been out of pocket.:)

What about US (Unofficial Singles)?

2010-01-10T20:08:00.035-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

NEWSFLASH – There are educated, successful and attractive black women who have an equally educated, successful and attractive man.

It seems as though the media has forgotten about the population of successful black women who are not looking for a man, looking to Steve Harvey for advice or feeding into the statistics that indicate black women have a slim chance of finding a man and getting married because they have a good man at home. These women may have not reached the altar yet, but they are committed to say the least, yet their relationships go unnoticed because they have not added “Mrs.” to their resumes.

As a writer, and part of this percentage of unofficially single black women I felt the need to shed some light into this hidden world. We (The Unofficial Singles) are disappointed that the media caters to the Official Singles all the time with tips and advice on how to get a man, land that first date, etc…, dedicating books in their favor (i.e. Steve Harvey) and creating news specials solely for them (i.e. CNN’s Black in America segment on The Single Black Women and Datelines: Black Women and Marriage). It’s pretty obvious they are the chosen ones and we the unofficial singles are always left out.

I’m not sure if we are ignored because it’s assumed that if we have a man we have no problems or since we are not married we still are considered single. I’ve concluded it’s a mixture of the two. But I also believe people don’t know we exist because they have forgotten about the foundation of marriage. They seem to dismiss the period that occurs before you say “I do”. The building blocks that create the empire of marriage are not advertised in media nor are they considered a topic of worthy conversation.

We would like to see more news specials and talk shows highlighting black couples that are thriving and planning for their futures, articles written about black love pre-The Obama’s and more books like Angela Basset and Courtney Vance’s “ Friends: A love story”. We also want to inform the media that black men do love their black women and black women can have an education, success and love.

And for the record, unofficial singles are not without problems. We have our share of issues that many of you contribute to. First, we stand in a class by ourselves because officially single women despise us because we have a man and married women don’t respect us because we aren’t a Mrs. Then we are constantly getting questioned by our family, friends, co-workers, etc.. on when we plan to get married. They ask us as if we know when our man is going to pop the question. Aren’t we supposed to be surprised? When we attend weddings we never know if we should really be getting up to catch the bouquet because it’s not really nice to have a strange man roll a garter up your leg while your man watches in horror..right?

These are just some of the reasons why unofficial singles are asking What about US?

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

P.S. Feel free to share your opinions in the comment box.

In the Spirit of Sisterhood - A Belle ‘La ‘La’ La Extravaganza

2009-12-17T22:30:00.011-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

T’is the season to be sexy, sophisticated and successful! And all three went down at the uber-fab 1st Annual A Belle in Brooklyn Holiday Party I attended this week hosted by the lovely Demetria Lucas author of the popular dating, sex and relationships site http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/

The fabulous event took place at Japonais NYC (http://www.japonaisnewyork.com/) located in downtown Manhattan where the décor and delicacies where as elegant as the women attending. And just as any classy host would, Ms. Belle began the thread of sisterhood as she greeted every woman at the entrance with a welcome and warm smile. The theme of sisterhood continued throughout the night as women from all walks of life were able to come together to mix, mingle and be empowered by each other.

In continuing the spirit of sisterhood I wanted to use this post as a thank you to Ms. Belle for hosting an extraordinary event of cocktails and conversation and to encourage us all this holiday season to not only be in the spirit of giving but to continue the spirit of sisterhood.

TWIMC wishes you Happy Holidays and a Fabulous New Year!

P.S. If you haven’t done so already check out A Belle in Brooklyn @ http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/

Fabulously yours,

Rashana A. Hooks

Deal Breaker

2009-11-28T04:44:00.003-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

When it comes to matters of the heart and selecting men, we women have a tendency of being very very picky. Of course there is nothing wrong with being selective and having standards, but sometimes we can go a little overboard with it and miss the opportunity of meeting a great guy. However, there’s a flip side to that. Even though our mandates may be a bit frivolous at times there are some things that are absolute deal breakers. These are the “challenges” you absolutely should not, would not and could not entertain regardless of all the other attractive “trimmings”.

Since deal breakers vary from person to person I’m interested in knowing if there are any common ones out there. Let me know what your ultimate deal breaker is. It doesn’t matter how small or shallow it may seem, share it and let’s discuss.

P.S. The first deal breaker I thought of for me is not having a car. My train days ended when my twenties did! (BTW – I have a car of my own)

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

"Good Hair" is Groomed Hair

2009-10-13T23:02:00.004-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Like many other girlfriends in the world, my BFF’s and I went to see Chris Rock’s docu-comedy “Good Hair” this weekend. Between the laughs and the “oh no he didn’t 's” I actually walked away with some profound insight on why women put so much emphasis on “their” hair, thanks mainly to Al Sharpton. But aside from the fabulous weaves worn by Nia Long and other start studded celebrities there are many average everyday women paying a lot of money for hair and not keeping it “good” as such.

Although I’ve never been one to wear weaves, wigs or the like I always get my hair done. I’m a professional wash and set lady who gets her deep conditioners and wraps weekly so I totally understand the beauty factor behind getting your hair done, however what I don’t understand is why I see so many disheveled weave wearers. I’ve seen tracks, wrong textures, things that resemble squirrels, Pocahontas and a few others things I would prefer not to mention. And after watching Chris’s movie this past weekend I realized that these mishaps are all for the love of “good hair”. This so called “unbeweavable” experience has caused some of us to look like a plain ole hot mess. So my point today is know matter what style you choose to wear your hair - weave or all natural, remember Good Hair is Groomed Hair. Keep it tight!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Teeth or Dare

2009-09-28T01:11:00.004-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Why is it so hard for some women to tell each other they have something on their teeth? This question reminded me of a couple of years ago when I was working in PR and I had the chance to talk with PR guru Terrie Williams in a car ride from Harlem to midtown. During the ride Terrie asked me the strangest question – “Would you tell me if I had lipstick on my teeth”. Caught off guard I embarrassingly said no. She laughed and replied “I don’t know why people do that…what’s so hard with telling someone they have something on their teeth.” I can’t remember exactly what her theory was on the reason why people do this, but this past week I’ve been searching for the answer.

Since I’ve been trying to eat “healthy” for my upcoming vacation and an overall lifestyle change I have been substituting green veggies for my love of French fries. But of course there is a consequence to eating healthy foods like broccoli and spinach – and that’s the not so attractive leftovers they leave in between your teeth. Yes, the annoying green strings that linger in those hard to reach places front and center of your Kodak smile.
Being a victim of the green monster during a lengthy conversation with a familiar female co-worker left me wondering why she hadn’t told me I had something in between my teeth. I get the fact that it can be some what uncomfortable to tell someone they have something ugly going on in their mouth. But are we that selfish to risk our own embarrassment to allow someone else’s? All of this made me think even further than what may be in our mouths. I began to wonder do we do the same thing when we are asked “How does this look? “Does this match?” “Does this look bad?” Do we all really tell the truth even when we know it will hurt? Or do we again selfishly run from the truth to ease our own discomfort?

Well ever since that car ride with Terrie Williams five years ago, I vowed to always tell a woman when she had a temporary flaw if she was talking to me or if she asked. Because the truth is my so called perceived embarrassment is just that - perceived. It’s not that bad ladies let’s do it more often.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Pregnant Pause

2009-07-20T23:01:00.004-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Sometimes I wish I would have had a baby when I was young, dumb and thought love is all you needed to get by. You know, before you grow up and realize that it takes money, time and maturity to raise a family. As a thirty year old woman, I can’t help but to wonder when will I ever be totally ready to start a family. I definitely want children (specifically two, a boy and a girl) and I understand that you will never be 100% ready, but I can’t seem to get over the reality of motherhood and all the sacrifices it brings. With my laundry list of goals to accomplish I wonder if while I’m striving to be successful so my children can have a better life am I creating a “pregnant pause” around what it takes to really raise a family?

This weekend I attended a baby shower of a young girl. At twenty-one she gathered all of her family and friends to celebrate the birth of her first child. Unmarried but clearly in awe of the baby’s father, this young girl had the face of innocence and no clue how different her life would be after next month. It wasn’t just her innocence that broke my heart it was all of her girlfriends that she invited who were already mothers or soon to be. At not even the legal drinking age of twenty one these girls were far ahead in the game than me. (Side note – I could never imagine having children and not being able to legally drink. A glass of Pinot Grigio is mandatory after dealing with some unruly kids). They naively thought that birthing a child from their at the moment boyfriends was actually cute and made them special. They believe that a boy nineteen years of age is seriously thinking about settling down and raising a family with them. I couldn’t help but wonder where was their self-esteem? Where were the role models to show these young women that there is more to life than what they see right now? After running these questions through my head I realized that the reality was these young girls were misinformed by their immaturity and innocence. They couldn’t possibly know how hard it is to raise a child when they still have their parents to take care of them, when the only work they have to do is home work and the only love they know is their first. But as disappointing as it is, ignorance is bliss and minus all the self-esteem issues I can't help but to secretly wish I still had the innocence of the unknown, especially when your biological clock is ticking and you don’t even have a watch…

P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

A little bit of a LOT...I'm back (again)

2009-07-12T00:11:00.003-04:00

Photo by: Joulmi

To Whom It May Concern:

Ok, Ok!! I know I did it again and left you S.T.A.M.P.S. waiting way too long for a letter. But trust me I have a semi-good excuse! Last month I turned 3-0! Yes the big 30. Since this birthday was such a big deal you know I had to do it BIG. I planned two parties (the Gemini in me) and created a campaign affectionately titled “30 days of 30” where I celebrated my birthday every day in June with my fabulous friends! Between planning both parties, preparing myself mentally for this new chapter in my life and keeping up with my deadlines at Clutch magazine my world has been hectic. But nonetheless, I’m back to normal now and ready to give you more of the new me. For starters, I must apologize for leaving you high and dry on the commentary of Steve Harvey’s book. If it makes you feel any better I didn’t even finish it because of all the festivities I had going on. I’m planning to re-visit it soon but at the moment I’m engrossed in the new book deliciously titled Appetite by fab author and dear friend of mine Erika J. Kendrick (Thanks for the advanced copy E). It’s definitely the perfect summer read. I’ve got so many topics to share and things to catch you all up on so stay tuned (and subscribe). To Whom It May Concern is back and better than ever!

P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man – Part 1

2009-05-18T22:50:00.002-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Last week I decided to purchase Steve Harvey’s highly acclaimed book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man (shout out to the fab co-author Denene Millner). Despite the rave reviews from Oprah to Essence and how much I love Steve I wasn’t going to buy the book simply because I felt like I knew everything about men. I’ve dealt with the best of them and as a self-proclaimed “realistic relationship expert” I was positive his advice just reiterated what I tell my girlfriends and all the other countless women who listen to me and read my articles. My cousin, who had purchased the book when it first hit the book shelves agreed with me but simply said “it just sounds better coming from a man”. So needless to say I got over my high horse and curiosity killed the cat.

So far I’ve read the first three chapters and it’s good! And although what I read so far comes to me as no surprise, Steve really does lay the facts women need to know in a way no woman could have. He gives it straight with no chaser just the way I like it!
However, I’ve decided to season Steve’s momentum with some of my spices and share with you ladies my personal commentary on the book as I read it. I know you like to hear the truth from a man but you also need to hear it further from a woman who acts like a lady and thinks like a man…..

P.S. If you have not bought the book, I suggest you do so. Not only to participate and comment, but because it is really good!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

How do you lose control?

2009-05-17T03:29:00.002-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Lately the word “control” and the act of it, has been my worst enemy and best friend. Its dual role in my life has left me confused and struggling with when to turn it off and when to turn it on. Case in point, my mentors, sponsors and biggest supporters at work have been congratulating me on how well I’ve taken “control” of my career all the while urging me to continue to take control as a climb the infamous corporate ladder. While at the same time, the love of my life affectionately yet seriously tells me to stop trying to “control” everything and let him lead at times. I never thought I would have to balance control, heck I’m just really learning how to be in it. How do I streamline my “control” when I’m praised for it in one world and criticized for it in another? This power struggle has left me wondering, how do I lose control?

Well T.D. Jakes answered it best for me in the June issue of Essence Magazine. He simply said “Let go and Let God” reminding me who really is in “control” of my life. He further explained that control itself can be an illusion and the need to have it is an act of fear. Fear of being disappointed and the fear of letting go. Although I must admit being in control gives me a sense of power and the comfort of knowing things will go my way (both feelings I enjoy), he was right, my control was about fear, the fear of not meeting my own expectations.

As a woman with high expectations of her self, the one thing I feared was failure. So prior to reading T.D. Jakes’ words of wisdom, losing control used to mean losing myself.
I believed not being in control meant I was setting myself up for dissapointment and ultimately failure. I now know that I don’t always have to be in control to get the results I want. And more importantly losing control is not about losing at all, it’s about gaining - trust, faith and the power to let go.

P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Goal Digging

2009-04-23T06:22:00.002-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

For the past two weeks I’ve been putting my body through this rigorous boot camp which entails going to bed between 10pm-11pm and waking up at 5am. The reason is I’m super busy (in addition to freelance writing I work full time in sales & marketing for a major television network) and I seem to never have time in the day to do all things I would like, such as writing the chapters of my book (I will tell you more about that when I can – smile) and just writing period. Working full-time and being a freelance writer is tough and only writing on my weekends wasn’t cutting it anymore. Therefore, I had to figure out a way to incorporate extra time into my work week to make my dreams a reality.

It is extremely hard to balance a full time job, relationship, popular social calendar and your personal goals. However, it can be done, but only with discipline and a clear objective of what you want. How do I know this? Because my 5am weekly wake-up’s taught me so. You see, I’m a morning person but not that early in the morning. Even though I’m most productive in the AM, it doesn’t occur until five hours later around 9am. So needless to say waking up a 5am was rough, the first week was the hardest. I would get up and begin writing and feel like my eyes were going to catch on fire from the burning. And by 3pm I was crashing big time. I was cranky, fatigue and extremely tired. Nonetheless, I survived the first week, tired yet proud of myself I accomplished a step toward my goal.

But it was the second week of my boot camp that taught me a lesson about achieving your goals. Surprisingly, by this time it wasn’t so bad hearing my alarm clock go off at 5am. My body had begun to adjust to my new schedule and I effortlessly was able to get out of bed and head to the computer. I didn’t even feel like I was crashing in the middle of the day anymore. That week taught me that if you set a goal to achieve something you really want you have to prepared and willing to endure all what it takes to reach it. It will only be your determination and passion to reach your goal that will get you through the challenges. Yet, when you overcome the obstacles (in my case the boot camp) achieving the end result gets a bit easier.

If you have a goal, dream or passion you want to pursue but find yourself saying you don’t have time, make time! Even by finding just an hour in your day can make a world of a difference in reaching your goals. Many have told me this in the past but it took me until now to really understand it and live by it. So I’m paying it forward and telling you the same.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Wash, Set & Go!

2009-04-09T06:16:00.003-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

No matter how stressed or overwhelmed I feel from work and life, when I get my hair washed each week at the salon it seems like all my problems are washed away right along with it. It’s so therapeutic to sit under a sink of warm water and receive three intense yet soothing massages to my scalp all the while ridding my tresses of accumulated dirt. The wash always leaves me feeling invigorated, refreshed and ready to tackle any task that needs be done. Ironically, it does the same for my hair. When I walk out of the salon my hair is always fabulous allowing it to receive compliments and handle any style or look given. No matter how much stress is placed upon it, it always seems to “act right” and look its best.

I guess I finally figured out that since my daily schedule is so hectic, getting my hair done is the only task that allows me to be still for 45 minutes. Sitting under the dryer for almost an hour prevents me from talking to anyone on the phone or near me. It closes me in from the outside world so I can think clearly, focus, meditate and indulge is some me time. When the dryer stops and I head to the chair for styling my energy is renewed and a new me emerges. Who knew the process of beauty was so good for the soul? I guess that’s why they say looking and feeling your best brings the best out of you. If you really think about it, when we look our best our performance improves and our overall confidence is high. These are the factors that result in success, and as fellow S.T.A.M.P.S. I know being successful is your mantra so I deem this a justifiable reason to treat yourself to a beauty regimen whenever you can. Give yourself the chance to be your best and look good while you’re at!

Wash, Set and Go!

P.S. Share your thoughts, write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

The Fabulous Life

2009-03-25T00:51:00.002-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

As a born and bred New Yorker I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never explored the floors above the first at Saks Fifth Avenue. My visits are always specific – makeup, perfume, handbags or a trip to Gucci and LV. I didn’t even know they had 10 floors!!! Well that all changed this evening when I was invited to an event there that consisted of wine, the best brie cheese I’ve tasted thus far and my very own personal shopper. Since it was an evening event and the store was closed to the public I had the opportunity to really soak in all the fabulousness each designer had to offer. From the whole spring collection of Christian Louboutin to the new edition of Marc Jacobs and Tory Burch bags.

As I perused through the racks of designers that I only had the chance to admire from the pages in Vogue magazine, I was reminded that the good life is worth the hard work it takes to obtain it. As a lover of all things fashion, it’s important that I can comfortably afford my affinity whenever I please. Seeing my love at its best was the fuel that re-ignited my fire to continue to work hard even when I feel like giving up. It reminded me that doing the things that I enjoy is what life is all about.

Whatever brings you joy and happiness are the things you should constantly strive to obtain. Let your happiness be your motivator so you can create a life that awards you access to it at any time. Don’t be ashamed if making a large amount of money will grant you the key to those doors and don’t apologize for it once you’re able to open them.

Living a fabulous life is all about being your authentic self. So start living and be the fabulous woman that you are!!

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Fact not Fiction

2009-01-25T13:39:00.006-05:00

Photo by: Flicker

To Whom It May Concern:

All too often I see us women make decisions dictated by our emotions rather than the fact of the matter when it comes to men and relationships. We tend to see and believe what we want or hope for instead of what reality has already revealed. For unfortunate reasons, we allow our fantasy of we want him to be cloud our vision of who he really is. The usual outcome is pain, bitterness, frustration, depression and overall unhappiness solely on us. Some of us even have the nerve to play the victim role as if we had no idea this could possibly happen to us. We take no responsibility on the role we played in our demise. We ignore the fact that we willing decided to pretend his cheating on his girlfriend/wife can never overflow to us, that his lies to her will be truths to us and that we were actually that special for him to treat us any different.

Following your heart does not mean stop being smart. Be honest with yourself and trust your instincts. Remind yourself that you are worthy of living your best life drama free.

We must begin to accept the reality of things so we can live better lives. Maya Angelou said it best…“When people show you who they are, believe them”. Let’s not allow fiction to disappoint us again, believe the facts.

P.S. Write me back below.

Fabulously yours,

Rashana Hooks

Return to Sender

2009-01-18T02:30:00.015-05:00

Photo by: Summersfullofgreen

To Whom It May Concern:

Happy New Year my fabulous S.T.A.M.P.S.!

Thank you ever so much for your patience and support as I took some R&R to bring you my best in 2009. Now that I'm back and better than ever I'm requesting that you write me back via the comment box so I can hear your thoughts and views. Some of you have already done so and I truly appreciate it. For those of you who have not, don't worry the postage will be paid by the addressee..

Fabulously Yours,

Rashana Hooks

When are you getting married? ….Confessions of a Committed Diva

2008-12-28T13:56:00.009-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

In the holiday issue of the fabulous Get Em Girls magazine I wrote a feature titled Confessions of a Committed Diva humorously but honestly confessing my feelings and insights on being in a long term relationship. I wanted to remind single folks that just because we may not deal with bad dates and lonely holidays we still have our share of problems. And our main problem is being asked - When are you getting married?

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve been asked the infamous “When are you getting married” question by family, friends and co-workers. I mean yes, I have been in a relationship for a few years and do plan to marry soon, but one shouldn’t assume that’s the case with everybody.

Now I must admit, I used to ask couples the same question I’ve now grown to despise. But after having it done to me I quickly learned it’s unpleasant, rude and assuming. As a result I came up with the top three questions one should never ask couples:

When are you getting married?
When are you having children?
When are you having another baby?

Besides the fact the doing so is nosy and annoying, you just never know what’s going on in people’s relationship and lives. It may be that they don’t want to get married or can’t or don’t want to have children. Or something else that’s really no ones business.

All of this is the reason why I urge you to think twice before asking couples about the “big day”. I know there is no harm intended, but to us, walking down the aisle is much more than a four hour party.

Yours truly,

Rashana Hooks

Just Not Feeling It…

2008-11-30T17:38:00.005-05:00

Photo by Barkley

To Whom It May Concern:

My sincere apologies for the month long hiatus I took. I’ve been so wrapped up with article deadlines, work, and a few other good things (that I will be sure to share with you soon) that I’ve been just plain old tired. The few days that I didn’t have any obligations or commitments I relaxed, finished reading a book, skimmed magazines and simply basked in the moment. I must admit, I did feel guilty for not doing anything productive, especially when I had a laundry list of things to do such as posting (smile), but I had nothing purposeful to say – so I just chilled. It wasn’t until I received a call from a friend who confessed that she too was snuggled in her sheets with a glass of wine not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. She simply said “I’m just not feeling it..” After I laughed in agreement with her sentiment I realized I was not alone and that it was ok to take a break.

I needed those still moments to rejuvenate my mind, body and soul. I needed to reflect on the past and prioritize for the future. I needed me time. So after realizing that I’m no good to anyone especially myself if I’m tired and fatigue, I promised myself more R&R and I encourage you to do the same. But I promise I won’t leave you for this long again!

Thanks for your patience.

Yours truly,

Rashana Hooks

Upgraded or Uppity?

2008-10-05T15:25:00.006-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

If you haven’t watched the Chris Rock special on HBO “Kill the Messenger” (http://www.hbo.com/events/chris-rock/index.html) please set your DVR’s and do so fast. It is pants wetting hilarious! Amongst his hundreds of jokes he told during the special there was one in particular that struck a nerve and hit home for me. In short Chris joked that women can not go backwards on their lifestyles no matter what. As soon as he made that comment, I knew exactly where the joke was leading up to. He gave examples of how when a woman first dates a guy with his own car, she vows never to take the train or bus again with the next man. Or when she dates a man with his own apartment, she then vows to never have sex with a man in his mama’s house again. His argument was, every time a woman is given a certain “luxury” or “upgrade” which makes her life easier she automatically begins to demand it from that point on. Ultimately making it harder for the next man.

Is this true? Does this make us upgraded or uppity?

Well in my case the answer is YES to both! I am not ashamed to admit that I’ve always been that woman that Chris jokingly described. Once I was given something that I liked there was no turning back. The older I became, my lifestyle needs matured along with me. I had a few “first times” that have forever changed me: The first time I dated a guy with his own car it felt GOOD, getting picked up from my doorstep and not having to ruin a great pair of shoes on the streets of NY or on the train station platforms was pure euphoria. Once I got a taste of that I refused to go on dates via a cab, bus or train. The first time I dated a guy with his own apartment and experienced the new freedom to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted and how loud I wanted was absolutely blissful :) I definitely said good bye to mama’s house and hello to the man of the house from that point on. And the first time I dated a guy with some financial security that was able to accommodate my love for fine dining, shopping and travel. I declared this was one luxury I couldn’t afford to give up!

Now before you begin to judge me as some gold digging, materialistic creature feeding into the stereotype of black women let me explain this. There is nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself and demanding it. And I don’t just mean in relationships either. We should always aspire to have the best in anything we do. Although the examples I mentioned above were purely superficial (yet valid) they were examples of how we should not be afraid to speak up and let the world know what we want, expect and won’t settle for. All too often we are criticized for declaring what we want and labeled high maintenance, difficult, aggressive and bitchy. This double standard is what led me to the question at hand – do we become upgraded or uppity? And again, I will have to agree with them both. It’s ok to raise our standards, especially if it affords us a life of luxury. So I'm not going to worry if we are labeled upgraded or uppity, because at the end of the day we will be moving up.

Yours truly,

Rashana Hooks

Am I worth the plate?

2008-09-21T16:42:00.007-04:00

Photo: Bensonkua

To Whom It May Concern:

What are the factors that determine whether or not you should spend money on a destination wedding you are invited too? I'm thinking the most obvious - how close you are to the bride/groom getting married? And can you honestly afford it? Well in my own defense of the latter, I could not attend my cousins wedding a few years ago because of my student status at the time (meaning no money) and finals were taking place that same week. So unfortunately I had to bite the bullet and not attend (I still feel bad to this day). Fast forward a few years, I’m now a full time employed worker instead of a student who can afford a mini vacation, so why am I having issues on whether or not to attend my high school friend’s wedding? Is it because I have not seen her in I don’t know how many years and the only communication we have had are random voicemail messages left every now and again because our lives are so out of sync? Or is it because I don't feel we are as close as we use to be 15 years ago? Now don't get me wrong we were tight back in the day, sleepovers and all, but I feel there is something that we all lose when we go our separate ways after high school, especially when one moves out of state and we grow into our own skin. I feel as if I missed all the important events that lead up to this union and I ultimately don't feel worthy of an invite. I never heard the stories of how they met, or was around to help her through their first fight, or any of the other monumental steps that take place in relationships that turn into marital bliss.

I guess I feel like I have no investment in this major event of her life. I know it’s not about me but I do believe people who you invite to your wedding should have had some connection to you within the past three years. With the exception of some family members who you probably don't ever see unless it’s at someone’s funeral, or the friends of your parents, you should really carefully assess who you are spending a plate on. And in this case I don't think I fit into that category. So does this mean I don't go and let her down for my own reasons or do I go and spend money on something I don't think I'm worth? Or is the real question how much do I think she is worth? Is the truth just that simple - I don't value the friendship enough to take off from work, buy a plane ticket, pay for a hotel and purchase a gift? But I can't help but to wonder if she invited me because she truly feels that I’m important enough to her to share her special day (if so I feel even bad for thinking like this) or if she just feels obligated to invite all her "friends" and my being there or not being there really wouldn't matter to her. Or even worse, it’s a buffet style reception so the more people the merrier? Ugh..I hate these situations. That annoying battle between what you want to do and the right thing to do always gets to me, especially when you don't really know which one is the true right one. I guess whether I decide to go or not, the real question becomes what do I value? And I guess it’s the bar, because I just found out that there is NO OPEN BAR and I immediately told myself absolutely not.

P.S. I will talk about proper wedding etiquette at another time, but a cash bar is a deal breaker. Having your guests pay for their own libations is wrong in so many ways…

Yours truly,

Rashana Hooks

Facing Fear

2008-09-06T01:36:00.008-04:00

Photo: Manny Wallace

To Whom It May Concern:

Yesterday and today I had two very smart, intelligent and ambitious women who I admire tremendously share with me their battle with fear. Very much successful in their own right, it was comforting to know that they struggle with the same demon that I do at times. Being reminded that fear has no prejudice or preference made it a little easier to cope with my occasional crippling fear attacks. They both relentlessly believe that it wasn’t so much that they feared the opportunities they were given, it was that they feared living with the regret if they didn’t take advantage of them. Deep right?

Their theory so profoundly hit home I had to share it with you and remind you to stop allowing fear to hold you back from unleashing your full potential. Ironically, in this months issue of Upscale magazine there is an article that highlights my same sentiment.
Life Coach Jeffrey Spencer (http://www.jeffspencer.com/) speaks about being a winner and reminding yourself constantly that you are. I took a segment of his article that I thought was the most motivating and encouraging and placed it below. I encourage you to print it out and place it on the mirror you view yourself in each morning:

“Controlling fear is paramount. Confidence comes from trusting your history as a winner. Knowing your skill set and talents will achieve your goals. Realize that a life devoid of periodic fear is a life lived too much in the “safe zone”, making abundant prosperity impossible. Life’s greatest risk is to do nothing. Always make your decisions on what you stand to gain, not lose. To break personal barriers and maximize your success potential, embrace every opportunity at the limit of your skills and mindset.

Build your life on your difference, not your sameness. There’s only one of you in this creation, thereby uniquely qualifying you to achieve great things in life. Invest your time, effort and resources in cultivating your strengths, not weaknesses…”

Similarly one of my favorite quotes is “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...”

Thank you Erika and Jennifer for being fearless and letting me know I too can be the same.

Yours truly,

Rashana Hooks

Welcome and Thank You!

2008-08-16T13:45:00.003-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

I finally did it! I created my blog!! You would think as a writer I would have started one a LONG time ago – lol. But as I always state, better late then never!

So what is this blog about? It’s letters from me to you about life, love, relationships and all the in betweens. It’s my real and honest opinions about the things we ladies often think about but don’t always get the chance to say or hear. It’s thought provoking content that will keep you coming back for more.

I want to thank each and every one of you who has helped and encouraged me along the way. I’m still learning this blogging thing so don’t leave me just yet :)

A special thank you goes to the Essence Team for launching “To Whom It May Concern” on their fabulous Essence Ad Network – http://www.realblack.com/ .

Check me out there…it’s absolutely fabulous!

Fabulously Yours,

Rashana Hooks